Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.
Two weeks ago I had such a productive day! I was showered and dressed before my children were up, got them dressed the moment they crawled out of bed, fed them breakfast before 9 am, decided to watch the neighbor's baby for the day, ran to the bank, did the grocery shopping at 2 stores, carried in all the groceries and put them away, and all this before lunch. But it could not have been me who ran around my kitchen fixing lunch and putting groceries away while singing to myself, "I can bring home the bacon. Nah na na na. Fry it up in a pan. Nah na na na. And never, never let you forget you're a man, 'cuz I'm a WOMAN!" Nope, not me!
This past week, while at church, I saw a friend wearing a name tag that stated his name and in big bold letters underneath it read *******NUTS*****. I did not stop him to tease him about advertising that he's a little crazy. While he explained that he is allergic to nuts, it was not my 2 year old that ran by and whacked him in the nuts. Nope. That would be way too embarrassing! My daughter and I did not [literally] fall to the floor laughing until we cried. Nope, I would not laugh at someone else's pain. And I certainly would NOT share the story in the mixed company of say, my Sunday School class. Uh-uh, NOT ME!!!
This is Izaak. He got dressed this morning, mostly by himself. He was hungry. He got tired of waiting for Mommie to come fix breakfast.
He went to the kitchen and I heard lots of crinkling. I couldn't imagine what he was into. It sounded like chips, but we don't have any in the house right now. I thought it was probably the bag in the cereal box. Cereal is what we normally have for breakfast.
I called Izaak out of the kitchen. He had powdery crumbs on his face. Maybe he was eating coffee cake from Wednesday's Bible study brunch. Did we have any left? Kevin said he was eating CHOCOLATE cake. Hmmm a boy after my own heart, but it's not possible he could be eating chocolate cake because we don't have any.
I took him back into the kitchen and discovered, Kevin knew what he was talking about. Chocolate cake. Mix. I made Izaak climb back up for some pictures. He was confused and not really happy that he'd been found out. He would not eat more while I was watching him. The thrill was gone. Or, he didn't want to invite trouble.
Hmmm. German chocolate. Not what I consider real chocolate, but it's fine as long as you don't put coconut frosting all over it, which you didn't. Good boy! Daddy's favorite, but I won't tell him you ate his cake[mix]. His birthday isn't for another 8 1/2 months, we can get another.
Each year the Music Pastor at my church likes to sit down and have an interview with the members of the choir and orchestra. My interview was tonight. It went well. It's not like an interview for a job, more like a how are you doing, what's going on in your life and are we on the same mission, kind of thing. Relaxed. Enjoyable.
Ahem. Until he asked the unanswerable question, at least not one I could answer without lots of thought.
The background: From the time I was 6 years old I've attended this church. It's large. It's steeped in tradition. It's Biblically strong. I love to worship there. I love the people. I hurt when things happen there that shouldn't happen in churches. And I rejoice when victories are won.
The question: It came about almost in a moment of surprise. "Really, you've gone here for 34 years?" Yes. "Wow! 34 years." Yep. "So, here's an odd question for you... why aren't you a DFC* person?" He explained that he could usually tell people who have been around this church for more than 20 years. Truly, they have a staunch, ingrained kind of loyalty to them that looks and feels a certain way. I know what he's talking about, and it's not me. I'm not a DFCer in that sense. And I think it's quite possibly the greatest compliment I've ever gotten.
*DFC is the initials by which our church identifies itself.
I have pink hair, well, I did until it washed out. I hope to have purple hair again soon. I'm much more charismatic in worship than the typical DFCer, ie. the raising of hands, dancing, swaying to the music. And honestly, I'm not nearly as free in worship as I want to be, but I try to be real. I would probably fit in better in a church like Heart of Mercy Church of the Nazarene in Orlando, FL. ;) (it's a black congregation!)
Why? Why am I not the typical DFCer? What is it that prevents me from fitting into that mold?
First there's the obvious... I don't like to fit into molds, as my blog title even announces. I'm pretty comfortable in the skin I'm in. I may be shy and lack confidence in some areas, but take me or leave me, I am who I am.
What you might not see from the outside, but it wouldn't take you long to discover when getting to know me, is that I have an incredible, deep, unshakable faith in God. My world may crumble around me, yet I will trust in the Creator of the Universe. My walk may be is definitely less than perfect, but I know who God is, and I love Him with the whole of who I am.
The rest of the answer to the question lies in the perception of Flat Stanley and his wife Flat Robin. We are dimensional people. Scientists have discovered, or think they've discovered 11 dimensions in the universe. Since you cannot create something greater than yourself, that means the God that created the universe is at least 12 dimensional, though, more likely He's infinitely dimensional. Another thing about dimensions is that you cannot comprehend anything beyond your own dimension, know it exists, yes, comprehend it, no.
So, I'm a 4 dimensional person (3 dimensions + time), and I create this flat world where Flat Stanley and Flat Robin live. They know me as their creator. Being flat, they cannot hear my voice or see me (they are flat, vision and hearing require 3 dimensions), they only know me by how I interact with them personally. I decide that I will only touch Flat Stanley with one finger, and he begins to know me as an oval. Flat Robin I touch with 3 fingers and she begins to know me as 3 ovals. Flat Stanley and Flat Robin could argue forever and a day about their creator's touch. He would say I'm one oval. She would say I'm 3 ovals. And they would both be completely right and completely wrong. Whereas they know my touch and the information I've given them, they cannot fathom how much more to me there is than just an oval or three. Their perception is totally based on how I have chosen to interact with them in their dimension.
So, back to DFC and me. Flat Stanley and Flat Robin have taught me that I cannot define who God is merely by the way that He has chosen to interact with me. Let me be clear here and say, that I am NOT talking about all religions being acceptable ways to find God. I believe in absolutes. God's word says there is only one way to him, belief in Jesus Christ his son. I hold to the Word of God, the Bible as the absolute Truth. I firmly believe in the precepts found in the Apostle's Creed. Within that context, God reveals himself to each person as He sees fit, and reveals Himself more throughout the course of His relationship to each person.
DFC is a church with certain beliefs, and those beliefs closely match (though not totally) my own, hence the reason I choose to worship there. But my church is not the only church. The congregation is not the only congregation. And God reveals Himself there in our corporate worship, but this is not the only place He reveals Himself. Beyond the building, beyond the people that attend here, there is God. He's so much more than I can comprehend. I can't put Him in a DFC shaped box. He's a miracle-working, mountain-moving, awe-inspiring, life-changing, star-breathing, gasp-giving God. (that phrase borrowed [italics mine] from Linny at A Place Called Simplicity)
Honestly, I don't know what makes the DFCers be DFCers. But I know that pastors, youth leaders, staff, members, classes, programs, music, decor, potholes in the parking lot, they all come and go. Change happens. But one thing is constant. God. I'll let Him be God and I'll continue to be me, square peg, round hole.
So, Monday night I was typing this really long post about my horrible day where we spent the entire morning in the ER waiting to get Izaak's forehead glued shut, and the entire afternoon in the Orthodontist's office being told how horrific my son's teeth are (which I knew, hence the reason I made the appointment), when my friend Sharilyn pops on and starts chatting with me on Skype about her cousin's baby Noah.
Suddenly, my horrible day seems more whiny and pathetic than truly horrible. Noah's mommy is facing life and death everyday on a medical roller-coaster ride that I cannot begin to fathom. Yeah, my healthy son fell out of bed and had to get his wound glued shut with Derma-bond. And my other healthy son has a mouthful of crooked teeth that can be straightened. It was tiring and draining and inconvenient for me. So, what. Really, I know God cares about my day, intimately. I just needed to stop complaining and appreciate the blessings I've been given.
So, after reading Noah's blog and chatting with my friend, I made this button for Noah. Would you please join me in praying for baby Noah, and pop over to his blog to leave a word of encouragement for his family? And would you ask your friends to pray for baby Noah? And, if you're a mom or dad that has healthy kids, would you hug them, appreciate them and thank God for blessing you with their lives?
This post will make more sense if you read Part Un first.
I was so tired last week that I couldn't finish the post I started. After all, it was 3 am while I was typing. I've somewhat lost the train of thought I had rolling, but I'm going to attempt to pick up where I left off and finish the thoughts I had and tie it all together. Without further ado...
So, God was beginning to apply more sledge hammer teaching from these verses...
Verses 37-41 ~ 37When Jesus had finished speaking, a Pharisee invited him to eat with him; so he went in and reclined at the table. 38But the Pharisee, noticing that Jesus did not first wash before the meal, was surprised.
39Then the Lord said to him, "Now then, you Pharisees clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside you are full of greed and wickedness. 40You foolish people! Did not the one who made the outside make the inside also? 41But give what is inside the dish [a] to the poor, and everything will be clean for you.
Perhaps it was not so coincidental that I didn't finish that post until now. Tonight during youth group, I got slammed again, right between the eyes on the very next part of what I was going to say. The poor.
See, once the inside of the cup is clean, this means that God has made you clean and your relationship with him is restored (well, you as in me, not you as in you, but you too, you know, if you were talking about you. haha!) then He can fill *me with the Holy Spirit. And the evidence of the Holy Spirit is according to Galatians 5:22-23, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and (TAH-DAH) self-control. Are self-control and self-discipline synonymous? Could be, in some ways they are definitely related, though maybe self-control is more all-encompassing.
If I pour out what is in me to the poor now, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control then Jesus said, everything will be clean for me. Inside and outside.
Two things: A) the poor. They can be the monetarily poor, poor in spirit, poor in love, poor in just about any way imaginable. I'll get to this more in another post (yep, looks like this cup washing is going to take 3 posts, sledge hammer, I tell you!). and 2) If you think this means I'll finally be S-Q-H, maybe not so much. What it means is I'll look more like Jesus to those who look at me. Will I have a perfectly clean home, yard or children? The answer is, who cares! I'll be more sensitive to living my moments for my LORD and maybe that will translate to serving my husband better, spending less time on my laptop, being more present with my children, but my motive WON'T be the pride of looking like S-Q-H in the eyes of others, it will be the love of the relationship between me and my heavenly Father. Big difference, Big, HUGE!
But wait. I've been a Christian since I was 13. Wasn't I clean before now? Didn't I get clean when I made the decision to follow Jesus, ask his forgiveness and ask him to come into my heart? Yep! Sure did. Without a doubt. I became a new creation that day. February 3, 1983. How's that work? I'm so glad you asked. Following Jesus is a journey. A daily walk. A relationship. It happens all at once and over time. As I walk with Jesus, learn about Him, who He is, and what He wants me to do, He shows me stuff. Last year about this time I learned about my unforgiving heart. So Jesus and I cleaned out that closet. Right now He is teaching me about my lack of self-discipline and self-control. It's a tough lesson because I'm deeply entrenched in hanging onto doing what I want to do when I want to do it. I've never been self-motivated and I don't want to give up "who I am". But I REALLY want to obey my LORD, and so Jesus and I, we're cleaning out this closet now too. It's a very BIG walk-in closet, so it's going to take some work, but He is going to be LORD of this closet too.
I don't know about you, but God frequently teaches me things in clusters. By that I mean, take subject X, and I hear about it Sunday morning at church, read about it in my Bible study through the week Wednesday morning as I rush to do it before Bible study, hear about it during Bible study, hear music about it on the radio... Well, you get the picture. I also call this "applying it with a sledge hammer" method of getting it through my thick skull. ;)
If you've read my profile, you've read my description of myself as a dichotomy. I'm a perfectionist at heart while being a procrastinator by nature. I'm the most organized slob I know. I'm a firm believer in "A place for everything, and everything in it's place", at least, that is, when I get around to it.
While it might sound humorous to read, in reality it puts me at war within myself, constantly. At night as I sit in the quiet of my sleepy home, amidst the mess of the day, I go through my mental list of all the things I need to accomplish tomorrow: Do all the Landry; do day 1 of my Bible study; clean the kitchen after breakfast; shower before the kids get up; do pre-school pages with Kevin; clean the kitchen after lunch; have dinner ready when my husband walks in the door; and ever so much more. All the things that will make me the perfect Christian Susie-Q Homemaker*.
The next morning I go over my list again, changing shower before the kids get up to shower right after breakfast, because the kids are up is the reason I'm now up. Oops. As I go through my day my list of things to do to be *S-Q-H gets modified, rearranged and scribbled out until it looks like I once again accomplished very little. But, I'm tired. Oh so tired, so I'll just veg out and try to catch up on being S-Q-H tomorrow.
I'm defeated. I have a complete lack of self-discipline.
And yet, it is so easy for my to project my S-Q-H ideals on those around me. "Now children, you may only go out side to play if you have taken care of your responsibilities, cleaned your room, finished your homework and done your Bible study" Of course, I project it onto my children, I want to shape them into better human beings, better Christians than I could ever be. I even project these ideals onto my husband. (though, I don't recommend this. It's not pretty!)
UGH, really? Yep. I'm a complete hypocrite. Don't think for a minute that I don't know it.
Here comes the sledge hammer, or for those of you who don't like to picture God as a sledge-hammer-wielding kind of guy, cluster teaching.
Last week's Bible study we were in Luke 11:37-52 (not going to post it all here, but I will talk about it)
Verses 37-41 ~ 37When Jesus had finished speaking, a Pharisee invited him to eat with him; so he went in and reclined at the table. 38But the Pharisee, noticing that Jesus did not first wash before the meal, was surprised.
39Then the Lord said to him, "Now then, you Pharisees clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside you are full of greed and wickedness. 40You foolish people! Did not the one who made the outside make the inside also? 41But give what is inside the dish [a] to the poor, and everything will be clean for you.
The Pharisees were experts in the law, more, they were also law makers. They studied the scriptures and interpreted the laws until they had this list of things that you had to DO to be holy. And boy howdy, if you didn't do them, you definitely weren't holy like them. And they gave the people of the time the laws, but they didn't give the people the Truth. They walked around full of self-importance and pride because they did all these things that made them clean, and yet they had no relationship with their God.
God set up the law to show us that we CAN'T make ourselves clean. If we can't make ourselves clean we MUST fall on the mercy of the living God. And THEN, he sent Jesus to die for us to cleanse us inside so that our HOLY God can once again have a relationship with us. Jesus was and is the mercy of God given to us to make us clean so that we no longer need the law, because now we can have a relationship with God.
Lord have mercy, I am still trying to live under the law. Karina's law. And I'm just like the Pharisees who made up all the rules to be holy, but weren't.
More sledge hammer coming up!(as if this post weren't long enough, I'm not actually done yet!)
So, then I went to Bible study and our teaching leader was giving the lecture about these verses and she says this, "You can't clean yourself up by changing your behavior. You must pour out your heart (what's in you) to God and let him clean you up." Kazaam! right between the eyes!
I struggle nearly daily with self-discipline. I try to modify my behavior so I look like S-Q-H. I do. I want to be her. But I can't. What I really need is to give my lack of self-discipline to God and let his love and mercy wash it from me. I don't believe I've ever done that. Oh, but I'm there now!
I can spend my time trying to wash the outside of me. I can abstain from sex outside of my marriage, I can't not drink, not smoke, not cuss and swear. I can have a perfectly clean house (maybe not with 5 kids), do my chores, exercise, eat right. I can go to church every Sunday, sing in the choir and on praise team, take sermon notes. I can guard what I read, watch and listen to. And I can tell those around me that these things are the way to live a Christian life. Do you see that all these things are good? And they are all things that God wants me to do?
But if I don't pour out the nasty stuff that's inside my heart to God and let him fill me with His love and mercy. If my behavior comes from a need to look and feel clean, but it doesn't come as a direct result of God's cleansing me and walking with me and me surrendering my insides to Him so that we can have a relationship. Then I am a Pharisee.
Did you read that part about giving to the poor? More sledge hammer learning for me...
