Saturday, June 19, 2010

Phlegm! (That's Your Only Warning!)

What is it about bodily fluids and functions that people have such a hard time talking about? Or admitting?

I love coffee. I love it a lot. I have a Tassimo coffee maker that I named Valentino. Valentino Tassimo. (note: it must be said/thought with flair in an Italian accent, like you're talking about a great Italian dish! mwah!) Anyway, I was off to meet my best friend for lunch yesterday, armed with my first and only cup of coffee. As I pulled out of the driveway I took a big swig and a drop went down my windpipe causing quite a choking fit. The choking fit resulted in me coughing the coffee in my mouth back into my cup along with a bit of phlegm. YUCK! Thus horrifically ruining my only cup of coffee of the day. WHAH!

Now, if you've been around here long, you know that I'm a Twitter addict and my tweets update my Facebook status. So, in 140 characters or less, I told of the demise of my coffee. All I wanted was a little sympathy about not getting to drink my full cup of coffee. Had it been the end of the cup, no biggie, I'd have just tossed it without a second thought.

Well, Facebook mayhem ensued. Folks everywhere came out of the woodwork to tell me how disgusting it was. TMI. Yuck. Gross. People in America don't want to read about phlegm on Facebook.


OK. So, maybe I'm just too well acquainted with phlem to see the problem here. I have severe nasal allergies to everything green. Phlem is a regular part of my day, more so than coffee. I take meds, but post-nasal drip wins out over even the best allergy medicine. It is what it is.

But really, what is the big deal? Surely I am not the only person ever to cough up phlegm. I can't be the only one that has cleared my throat and swallowed it. It's not super-intimate and private like sex. So why can't we just see that my coffee was ruined and give a bit of sympathy to a coffee lover? Hmmm? Ironically, no one batted an eyelash the day before when I tweeted about cleaning up my son's diarrhea on the carpet, which I find a thousand times more disgusting than phlegm.

It's only a bit of phlegm people!!! Get over it!!! It's not horribly disgusting (unless it's in your coffee). It's not private. It doesn't smell or taste bad. It's not TMI. It's just phlegm. Phlegm. Phlegm. Phlegm. Desensitize yourself to it already. Good grief.

Oh, and this is my blog I can discuss phlegm if I want. Feel free to comment and discuss the situation, even if you disagree, but don't tell me that it's TMI, because that just might push me over the edge into saying/tweeting the word daily or something really childish like that!

One more little note: if the phlegm in the coffee thing had happened to my husband, he'd have just sucked the coffee right down without a thought. I will only tell you how I know this if you ask.

Meanwhile, I learned the correct spelling of phlegm. :)