Friday, January 28, 2011

The Orphan - Part 2.

To my dearest Todd: Honey, please do not read this post. It's not for you. I love you. :) Yes, I'm serious! ~Karina

I have read Linny's blog posts about her adoption of Elijah and Elizabeth and Jubilee to my husband in hopes that it would inspire his amazingly tender heart to want to jump on the adoption train, I have asked him outright to consider adopting and his answer is a firm "I don't want anymore kids"

So, I have taken Linny's advice. I have shut up about adoption, an enormous undertaking. I fast and pray for God to change Todd's heart. I am still working on the part about not complaining to him about the children I do have, it's a hard habit to break, complaining. But I know that I cannot manipulate him, cajole him, convince him or push my way into adoption. He is going to have to come to that place by God's leading, and I trust that God has got that one covered, or I'm trying to trust.

Anyway. I began talking last month to MckMama about joining her on a missions trip to Kenya next month. I thought it would be an excellent opportunity to get to know my friend better and take pictures and even possibly get to meet the little boy that we sponsor through Compassion International. I got all the details of the trip and it looked like it was doable. But oddly, though I wanted to go, I did not feel an urgency to go nor did I feel compelled that I should go. Don't get me wrong, it would be a dream trip, the chance of a lifetime.

A few weeks ago Linny's husband, a couple of her older kids (Emma and Graham) went to Uganda. For the first few days Emma posted on her blog about their trip and every child she talked about, every story just pulled at my heart. I thought, "God, what are you doing? I want to run and get them all." Yeah, so realistic. Or not. Shortly after Linny's family returned home she posted about herself and Emma leading a trip to Uganda in April.

To my Dearest Todd: If you didn't take me seriously, start now. Do not read beyond this point. I mean it! I love you. ~Karina

I feel compelled to go on this trip to Uganda. I spent all day yesterday crying and praying over it. I'm scared. Financially, God is going to have to take care of the expenses of this trip, we simply can't, even more than that, I have been out of work for over a month and not only will God have to finance this trip, but our monthly budgets as well. Which, I must add, he is answering my prayers about that already! Todd and I have discussed the trip to Uganda, and he and I have agreed that if the monthly budgets and the cost of the trip are met, I can go. D for done!

What we haven't discussed and what scares me more is this: I feel certain that I will meet our next daughter on this trip. (wow, that's crazy to type) I have known for years that our next daughter is to be named Faith. I thought she was coming to us through IVF 7 years ago, but when I miscarried God told me our Faith would be a living child. I thought that one of the Cambodian twins would be Faith, but they are named Alena and Sophia, and those names are stuck. I could be wrong, and I'm not going on this trip to find a baby to adopt, but I'm just saying, if I meet a baby girl named Faith, I will know that she is to be ours and I believe if I meet her Todd will know too. And I'm not sure I'm ready and God's been doing crazy things lately, and it's just a LOT to process all at once!

So, I'm filling out and turning in the application for the Uganda April 2011 trip! I'm sending off to renew my passport next week. And I'm trusting God for all the rest. All of it.