Sometimes God asks us to drink a bitter cup, take a hard road, do something more difficult than we could ever possibly have strength to face. And sometimes that cup is all we taste for years.
I've been down a road like that.
Have you?
For a long time I fought drinking from that bitter cup. I hated it. I was angry at God for making me taste it, much less drink from it for years on end without an end in sight. In time I came to accept it. I drank freely and willingly, knowing that God is faithful through even the most bitter experiences of my life. After many years my time was done. God refilled my cup with the sweetest wine I could imagine and on top of that he smoothed healing balm into my soul.
For me, that cup was infertility.
Then I cam across this song by Nicole Nordeman,
Sunrise...
If I had the chance to go back again
Take a different road, bear a lighter load
Tell an easy story
I would walk away with my yesterdays
And I would not trade what is broken
For beauty only
Every valley
Every bitter chill
Made me ready to climb back up the hill
And find that . . .
You are sunrise
You are blue skies
How would I know the morning
If I knew not midnight?
You're my horizon
You're the light of a new dawn
So thank You, thank You
That after the long night, You are sunrise
There's a moment when faith caves in
There's a time when every soul is certain
God is gone
But every shadow is evidence of sun
And every tomorrow holds out hope for us
For every one of us
You are sunrise
You are blue skies
How would I know the morning
If I knew not midnight?
You're my horizon
You're the light of a new dawn
So thank You, thank You
That after the long night, You are sunrise
You alone will shine
You alone can resurrect this heart of mine
You are sunrise
You are blue skies
How would I know the morning
If I knew not midnight?
You're my horizon
You're the light of a new dawn
So thank You, thank You
That after the long night, You are sunrise
You are sunrise
And I have to agree. If someone gave me the chance to go back and live my life without drinking from the cup of infertility, I'd turn them down flat. I wouldn't even have to think twice about it. Because, that time, those experiences, everything we went through brought me to where I am today, taught me what I know, touched me in places nothing else could touch and molded me into, well, me. God, the creator of the universe, carried me, strengthened me, deepened me, grew me in ways that could never have been possible any other way. As a result, my love for Him is deeper than the deepest ocean. How could I want anything different?
Right now, I am walking alongside my niece as she tastes of a cup so bitter I can't even imagine. (and for privacy reasons I don't feel free to share the details here) Let's just say, it's bad. It's incredibly painful to watch her suffer, it brings me to my knees, literally. But for the life of me, I can't wish it any other way for her. I see daily how God is shaping her, molding her, teaching her to trust. And I ache, really ache for her to come to the end so that I can see her taste the sweetness of God's rest and faithfulness. But there's no end in sight. There's only trusting God.
It just got me to wondering, am I alone in my thinking? Have you been through something bitter and painful that you wouldn't trade a moment of because of who you became through it?
