Last Fall when I was working with my niece on baby Mason's album, I came across this blog. A family lost their unborn son, Gabe. He was born still the next day. Patrice posted some beautiful poetry about her loss that I was able to share with my niece for Mason. Unfortunately, I didn't bookmark the blog and had no recollection of how to get back. About a month ago while randomly picking through some of the NMM posts on Mck Mama's blog carnival I happened to click on Patrice's link! I recognized it at once and was overjoyed to read that this mom to a baby in heaven was soon to give birth to a second son.
I felt a connection to Patrice because of the poetry she had shared, and I have been excitely anticipating the birth of Jonah from afar. Patrice was induced at 37 weeks (the time at which her first son Gabe had died) in hopes of circumventing the posibility of anything going wrong. Jonah was born yesterday, but their joy has turned to anxiety and uncertainty. Jonah has a rare genetic skin disorder. You can read about it here.
My heart just aches for these young parents. I cannot begin to know what they must be thinking or feeling. After the heart shattering experience of losing their firstborn, they are now staring in the face the possibility of watching their second son fly to the arms of Jesus. Would you join me in praying for this family? May God be near and bless them with a miracle for baby Jonah.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Friday, February 27, 2009
Twin Issues.
I love having twins! There are so many really cool things about them. And then, occasionally an issue pops up.
Twin issues are, in my opinion, more complicated than just sibling issues. I feel an added pressure/need to make sure that their twinness is neither damamged nor damaging. Twinness has a balance between togetherness and individuality, a special bond between them and a need to be separate from them. Swinging slightly one way or the other as a circumstances requires is normal, but letting things get too out of balance over a period of time can be damaging. It can make parenting a challenge.
Today's challenge: Morning routine.
Our older kids are responsible for getting themselves ready for school; getting up on time, dressing, eating breakfast, packing a lunch and getting to school on time. They are pretty good about it. Letha missed the bus once the first week of school. And the twins, Tadd and Tim, have also been late only once.
It came to our attention yesterday that Tadd is taking on himself all the responsibility of the morning routine for both himself and Tim. For safety reasons I have required that they walk to and from school together. Tadd likes to be early to have time to play on the playground before school, and Tim likes his sleep. So, Tadd has been waking Tim, picking out his clothes, packing his lunch, making Tim's morning coffee and getting their breakfast ready all in an effort to get his brother out the door so that he can have playground time.
On one hand, I applaud Tadd for his problem solving skills. He wants to be early and he has found a way to make it happen. On the other hand, he is totally keeping his brother from taking any responsibility for his own actions, which in the long run can have a crippling effect on Tim. Not to mention that at some point it will cause Tadd to feel resentful of his brother.
I don't want to tell Tadd that he can't help his brother. Helping others is a good quality. But Tim needs to step up to the plate a do his part, be responsible for getting himself ready for school. Being responsible is a good quality. I definitely don't want to pit them against each other and cause resentment between them.
And so, I end this post still brainstorming how to handle it. If you have any wisdom or ideas, feel free to share them, and I will update later what we decide and how it works out.
Twin issues are, in my opinion, more complicated than just sibling issues. I feel an added pressure/need to make sure that their twinness is neither damamged nor damaging. Twinness has a balance between togetherness and individuality, a special bond between them and a need to be separate from them. Swinging slightly one way or the other as a circumstances requires is normal, but letting things get too out of balance over a period of time can be damaging. It can make parenting a challenge.
Today's challenge: Morning routine.
Our older kids are responsible for getting themselves ready for school; getting up on time, dressing, eating breakfast, packing a lunch and getting to school on time. They are pretty good about it. Letha missed the bus once the first week of school. And the twins, Tadd and Tim, have also been late only once.
It came to our attention yesterday that Tadd is taking on himself all the responsibility of the morning routine for both himself and Tim. For safety reasons I have required that they walk to and from school together. Tadd likes to be early to have time to play on the playground before school, and Tim likes his sleep. So, Tadd has been waking Tim, picking out his clothes, packing his lunch, making Tim's morning coffee and getting their breakfast ready all in an effort to get his brother out the door so that he can have playground time.
On one hand, I applaud Tadd for his problem solving skills. He wants to be early and he has found a way to make it happen. On the other hand, he is totally keeping his brother from taking any responsibility for his own actions, which in the long run can have a crippling effect on Tim. Not to mention that at some point it will cause Tadd to feel resentful of his brother.
I don't want to tell Tadd that he can't help his brother. Helping others is a good quality. But Tim needs to step up to the plate a do his part, be responsible for getting himself ready for school. Being responsible is a good quality. I definitely don't want to pit them against each other and cause resentment between them.
And so, I end this post still brainstorming how to handle it. If you have any wisdom or ideas, feel free to share them, and I will update later what we decide and how it works out.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Nothing to Say.
Isn't that sad? I can't think of a single thing I want to talk about. Well, I do have my "Not Me!" post almost finished. It's another typical, boring day here at our house. I do need to make, bake, freeze, fill, frost and decorate a cake for tonight, but don't tell my friend Pam. :)
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Two for Tuesday.
The thing I like about blogging is connecting with people. That is really hard to do when readers don't comment. So, today is audience participation time. AND I'll make it really simple. Two questions with two answers...
1. Name your TWO best personality traits.
2. What are TWO baby names you had picked out but didn't use (or haven't used yet, if you're not done)?
1. Name your TWO best personality traits.
2. What are TWO baby names you had picked out but didn't use (or haven't used yet, if you're not done)?
Monday, February 23, 2009
"Not Me!" Monday!
Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.
This week, I did not stay up way too late one night contemplating Mck Mama's life and dilemma over adding MSC (more small children) to her family while not messing up her blog title. I totally did not come up with the absolute perfect solution. I've told you before, I am NOT a bloggy stalker. Not me!
If I had thought of something so ingenious, it wouldn't have slipped my mind by the very next morning. And I wouldn't have tried to e-mail her about it anyway only to FINALLY remember mid-e-mail. Gosh, that would have been embarrassing! Glad that was not me!
My idea was not so ingenious that it went something like this: Mck Mama should have ID (identical) twins next and start their names with the letters "I" and "D", so that her header would still be MCKIDS.
While not typing that in my e-mail to Mck Mama, this outrageous idea did not pop into my head: that instead of merely having twins, Mck Mama should have dectuplets (10 babies) with names starting with "Y" "H" "A" "R" "M" "I" "N" "G" "I" "D"! At which point she would give up the blog for a reality TV show and have the US tax payers pay for her WTMSC (Waaaaaaay too many small children), a tummy tuck, a mansion to house them in and hired nannies to care for them!
And, upon writing this blog post I did not spend way too much time giving the MckDectuplets MckNames! I totally didn't go to McD's website and look up their menu to come up with last 10 of the following names:
Big Mac
Mck Nugget
Large Fry (Sorry "M", you gotta change your name because a smaller fry will need it!)
Mck Muffin
Medium Fry (biger than small fry!)
Small Fry (as cute as the original!)
Mck Flurry (SWEET!)
Filet o Fish (will like to ice fish with PC!)
Mck Chicken (will hopefully be a risk taker to counteract the name!)
Mck Rib (must be ticklish!)
Quarter Pounder (of course they'll be preemies!)
Big N Tasty (Yum! Obviously one of the bigger Dectuplets!)
Happy Meal (the whole package!)
Snack Wrap (think miracle blanket!)
Furthermore, I totally did not have the most irreverent thought that in order to have these dectuplets, Mck Mama should contact Octomom's fertility doctor. I would never, ever say anything so tacky on my blog. I have no animosity toward a total stranger for the negative press she gives to the wonderful process of IVF (by which I have 3 babies in heaven and one on Earth). I would never public condemn another mother for making such an
As for my own life, I totally did not leave my husband, sick with the flu, home alone with 5 children while I went galavanting of to collect the Girl Scout cookies I had ordered and to scrapbook with my friend. I did not imform my older children that they were to take care of their father and the little children. I would never, ever threaten to skin them alive if they didn't! Uh-uh! Not me!
So, what was it you didn't do this week?
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Del Taco Day.
This is a total fluff post, but necessary since I mention or twitter nearly every week about Del Taco Day.
Two weeks ago, I actually did go in with my camera and shoot the whole experience. I got some very strange looks from the other patrons, but what do I care? It's part of our life and I want to make a page of it in my scrapbook for my kids to remember, not to mention my blog.
I don't really know when it started. A few years ago they built a Del Taco near us. I have always been a Taco Bell fan so even after the restaurant appeared it took me several months before I would try it. But, when I finally did try it, let's just say I've only been back to Taco Bell once and it's a mistake I don't intend to make again!
I was still homeschooling when the tradition started so it must have been about 3 years ago. When I was too tired or hungry to make lunch and the budget was getting low, we would head over to Del Taco. I could feed all 4 kids and myself for less than $10. Then one of our neighbor girls sold us a discount card in a fundraiser that gave us BOGO on a value meal. That card paid for itself a 100 times over that year in Del Taco meals alone!
Some where along the line Del Taco day narrowed down to just one day a week
(I think because the big kids were getting burned out on it!) We all have our favorite/regular order, so when we walk in the door the kids grab a table and I order. But now that the big kids are in school, it's just the little boys and me on most days.
Our order:
Del Combo Delux meal (#1)
no red sauce, add green.
2 soft tacos.
And yes, I do cheat on my spin to get a churro coupon. The little boys and I split that churro 3 ways, as we do the fries that come with my meal. I do have a coupon for a free medium drink in the diaper bag if anyone wants it! I'll never use it!
The fun part of Del Taco Day is almost always watching Kevin. He's SO outgoing! I have watched him have conversations with total strangers, and no question is too personal or off limits to my 3 year old! I've seen him turn around and hold a 20 minute conversation with a man named Tim. He asks everybody's name, usually their age, and tells them his, and his siblings, he asks about their jobs and families. Most people find him very cute, personable and enjoyable.
While there have been a few that are annoyed by an outgoing child, they are rare. Rather than tell him the harsh reality that some people don't like children, I tell him that some people are shy and don't like to talk to strangers. I just can't find it in myself to quell his natural desire to socialize with people. Just this past Wednesday, he talked up one of the employees on break in the lobby. As we finished our meal the young man came out and gave Kevin a toy, simply because he liked talking to Kevin. (I think Kevin may find a future career in sales!)
And that is Del Taco Day in a nutshell.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
More Broken Than I Knew.
For this I have to go way back into my past nearly to my childhood. I've always loved music. I wanted to write songs as a litle girl. I wanted to play the piano (and any other instrument I could). I started lessons when I was 7. I had a string of teachers.
When I was 13 I met Susan. She was the wife of the music minister of our church. She taught piano. She lived in our neighorhood. She had a son that needed babysat. Our lives became intertwined. I frequently rode to church with them. I took lessons from her. I babysat the cutest little boy. And I took piano lessons from Susan. Truly, she was the best teacher I ever had. In my dark world, with druggie, alcoholic brothers at home, their kindness was a light in my life, their home a sanctuary.
Three years later, they were called to another church many states away, but it may as well have been in outer space. On my 16th birthday, the moving truck pulled away. I was crushed. Musically speaking, my life went downhill from there.
A few months ago our church had a reunion of sorts and all the former music ministers were invited back. After nearly 23 years, I saw Susan again for the first time. It doesn't surprise me that I was emotional, that's a given for me. What surprises me was how DEEPLY emotional my response was. When she asked me if I was still playing piano she was surprised to learn that the answer was no. And, she told me just how talented she thought I was. You could have bowled me over with a feather.
I tell you, I have bawled over my conversation with her, more than once. Bawled. A short time later I received a small package from Susan. A cd and a piano book. The book, a book of hymns that she arranged and the cd, a recording of her playing the arrangements, and a note to encourage me to pick it back up. Moments after opening the package I was on the phone with a friend, you guessed it, bawling.
In talking to my friend I told her about Susan and then the events that followed her departure from my life. Shortly after Susan left I got involved in a very unhealthy relationship. Destructive is a better term. That relationship was bad for me on every level of my life, most especially spiritually and musically. This person was also a pianist. She was very competitive and she destroyed any confidence I had in my talent. I let her. I limped along. I went to college to pursue a career in music, but gave up when I compared myself to those around me and I couldn't measure up. I even toured with a group called The Continental Singers as a keyboardist for 3 months. It was the first time I had ever played in a band and honestly I wasn't very good because of my lack of experience. Again, my confidence took a hit.
After that I never played again (other than plunking around at home). The music in me died.
As the whole story came pouring out of me to my friend it was a revelation to me. It was like I had never seen it before, the hurt, the compettition, the steps of complete destruction of something that had once been the love of my life. Suddenly, after all these years there it was. I was laid bare, raw and bleeding, left for dead and certain of one thing: God was leading me, guiding me, carrying me toward healing. I thought the work of forgiveness toward my brother was huge, but it was only the appetizer of forgiveness that needs to take place in my heart now. It was only preparation for the bigger work of forgiveness that God is doing. That was a healing miracle, this new thing, this is a resurrection of the dead.
I asked my friend to take me on as a piano student. She agreed and I started last month. I was a bit scared to trust a friend at first, but God has put her in my life for a very specific reason. This friend understands brokeness and pain. We've travelled roads together that have proven her gentleness and compassion. I can trust her. More importantly, I can trust God.
This first month has been hard. It's painful to sit down at the piano and feel the loss, and feel incompetent, and hear to the lies of the past and try to block them out. It's hard to see others and not compare myself when I've been musicaly dead for 20 years. It's another area where I am completely broken and useless. But, God... (Aren't those great words, "But, God"? Because they mean something wonderful is to follow.) But, GOD has been speaking quietly to my heart. The gentle voice of my Lord has been telling me to listen to Him. He wants to speak new words to me. He wants me to hear His voice, only. He wants me to worship Him and draw near to Him and talk to Him each time I sit at the piano. He wants to heal me and make me better than I ever could have been before.
I can't believe how broken I am. And I can't believe how utterly joyous it feels to be put back together, piece by tiny piece into a vessel that the Holy Spirit will flow out of, spilling onto those around me. I can't wait to draw nearer to my Lord and to hear what he is going to speak into my life.
Who knew?! I sure didn't.
When I was 13 I met Susan. She was the wife of the music minister of our church. She taught piano. She lived in our neighorhood. She had a son that needed babysat. Our lives became intertwined. I frequently rode to church with them. I took lessons from her. I babysat the cutest little boy. And I took piano lessons from Susan. Truly, she was the best teacher I ever had. In my dark world, with druggie, alcoholic brothers at home, their kindness was a light in my life, their home a sanctuary.
Three years later, they were called to another church many states away, but it may as well have been in outer space. On my 16th birthday, the moving truck pulled away. I was crushed. Musically speaking, my life went downhill from there.
A few months ago our church had a reunion of sorts and all the former music ministers were invited back. After nearly 23 years, I saw Susan again for the first time. It doesn't surprise me that I was emotional, that's a given for me. What surprises me was how DEEPLY emotional my response was. When she asked me if I was still playing piano she was surprised to learn that the answer was no. And, she told me just how talented she thought I was. You could have bowled me over with a feather.
I tell you, I have bawled over my conversation with her, more than once. Bawled. A short time later I received a small package from Susan. A cd and a piano book. The book, a book of hymns that she arranged and the cd, a recording of her playing the arrangements, and a note to encourage me to pick it back up. Moments after opening the package I was on the phone with a friend, you guessed it, bawling.
In talking to my friend I told her about Susan and then the events that followed her departure from my life. Shortly after Susan left I got involved in a very unhealthy relationship. Destructive is a better term. That relationship was bad for me on every level of my life, most especially spiritually and musically. This person was also a pianist. She was very competitive and she destroyed any confidence I had in my talent. I let her. I limped along. I went to college to pursue a career in music, but gave up when I compared myself to those around me and I couldn't measure up. I even toured with a group called The Continental Singers as a keyboardist for 3 months. It was the first time I had ever played in a band and honestly I wasn't very good because of my lack of experience. Again, my confidence took a hit.
After that I never played again (other than plunking around at home). The music in me died.
As the whole story came pouring out of me to my friend it was a revelation to me. It was like I had never seen it before, the hurt, the compettition, the steps of complete destruction of something that had once been the love of my life. Suddenly, after all these years there it was. I was laid bare, raw and bleeding, left for dead and certain of one thing: God was leading me, guiding me, carrying me toward healing. I thought the work of forgiveness toward my brother was huge, but it was only the appetizer of forgiveness that needs to take place in my heart now. It was only preparation for the bigger work of forgiveness that God is doing. That was a healing miracle, this new thing, this is a resurrection of the dead.
I asked my friend to take me on as a piano student. She agreed and I started last month. I was a bit scared to trust a friend at first, but God has put her in my life for a very specific reason. This friend understands brokeness and pain. We've travelled roads together that have proven her gentleness and compassion. I can trust her. More importantly, I can trust God.
This first month has been hard. It's painful to sit down at the piano and feel the loss, and feel incompetent, and hear to the lies of the past and try to block them out. It's hard to see others and not compare myself when I've been musicaly dead for 20 years. It's another area where I am completely broken and useless. But, God... (Aren't those great words, "But, God"? Because they mean something wonderful is to follow.) But, GOD has been speaking quietly to my heart. The gentle voice of my Lord has been telling me to listen to Him. He wants to speak new words to me. He wants me to hear His voice, only. He wants me to worship Him and draw near to Him and talk to Him each time I sit at the piano. He wants to heal me and make me better than I ever could have been before.
I can't believe how broken I am. And I can't believe how utterly joyous it feels to be put back together, piece by tiny piece into a vessel that the Holy Spirit will flow out of, spilling onto those around me. I can't wait to draw nearer to my Lord and to hear what he is going to speak into my life.
Who knew?! I sure didn't.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Wordless Wednesday - On Being a Bad Influence.
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Yes, I did this to her. I influenced her mother to allow her to do this. I bought the dye. I put it in her hair. Oh yeah, did I mention, I have purple hair?!
And... I'm shooting for a minimum of four comments today. Come on folks, let's hear from you!
Monday, February 16, 2009
"Not Me!" Monday Tuesday.
Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.
My brain is not so fried from my busy week that I can't remember a single thing I didn't do, but I will for the sake of any readers out there squeeze my grey matter until something comes out!
I did not make my 3 year old strip, wash, dry and remake his bed after he wet it last week. I did not get so frustrated with his behavior that same day that I yelled at him and scared my 19 month old baby. The baby was not so surprised by my behavior that he sat completely still on the living room floor for a FULL five minutes just looking at me. This certainly did not happen the day after starting a parenting class at church! I totally do NOT need a class like that, nope, not me!
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The manager at Del Taco does not know us by name. He also does not have our regular order memorized. And he did not check with me this week, when he didn't see the little boys to make sure they were there. .jpg)
They have a little "Wheel of Fortune" there on Wednesdays that you spin to get a coupon for your next visit. I have never cheated when spinning the wheel to make it land on a churro coupon. I don't use those coupons on the same visit. And the manager did not ask me last week if I would like to spin the wheel or just have a churro coupon. If you saw that happen, it was not me!!
I was not a FULL half an hour late to meet a friend for coffee this week. I did not step out of the shower and realize that at that moment I should have been pulling out of the driveway, instead of stepping out of the shower. I did not let my boys out of the stroller at the mall and get so busy talking to my friend that I almost lost my little Iz, on the escalator no less. I did not get nasty stares from the people near the escalator who thought I should have been watching my son more closely. Nope, that was totally not me!
I'm sure there was more that I didn't do this week, I just can't remember. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Happy Hearts Day!
Ok, so it's a bit late, almost mid-night by my clock. But, the kids are all in bed, hubby and I talked before he went to bed, and I've facebooked to my heart's content. So, now it's time to post some photos and share a little of our family Valentine's Day tradition. Not that there's much to it, but I get more hits on days that I post SOMETHING! Now, If I could just get more than 2 people to post comments, we might have a little fun with that!
This weekend we have 3 extra kids in the house. Our neighbors/friends traded us weekends. Last week they kept our kids and this week we took theirs so they could go celebrate their anniversary! We love their kids and they love ours, so it works out perfect.
I have a little Valentine's tradition that I started 2 years ago. I make a big 2 layer chocolate chip cookie and decorate it and get the kids a small stuffed animal, and maybe a little trinket. It's fun and ranks "just about perfect" on a scale of "over the top" to "absolutely nothing", if you know what I mean.
I have learned over the years not to put expectations on my husband for Valentine's Day.
Expectations are almost always going to bring you disappointment and make your spouse feel resentful of an obligation, if he thinks of it at all. Besides, my husband is VERY GOOD at showing me every single day of the year that he loves me. I don't really need a souped up holiday for it. That being said, when you have no expectations, you are always pleasantly surprised and pleased when something DOES happen, because it also proves to you that it came from the heart! And this year... I feel like I scored BIG! Not only did I get flowers. I also got not one or two or even a prepackaged assortment, but I got a WHOLE BOX of a HANDPICKED assortment of MY FAVORITE pieces of GODIVA CHOCOLATE!!! AND, a card lovely, sentimental card! My man did it up right!!! I felt like a queen! My kids also conspired to give me various kinds of chocolate! 
I'm not sure if it will become the next tradition or not, but we enjoyed a game of "Telephone" while we chowed down on our cookie and milk!
"Devon has gas. Pass it on." morphed into "Devon has passion." which again morphed into "Devon has pants on." Any of which may have been true, but for sure he had pants on! And the other sure thing is that was all had fun and enjoyed ourselves immensely while gorging on COOKIE!
Did I mention that I love my Honey?? I do. And I try to show him everyday how much. I'm not all that good at it, but learning more each year and getting better at it as time goes on. I'm a very blessed woman to be married to this adorable man, and to share all these kids with him, whether they are ours or the neighbors. Happy is the home where love abounds!
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Suffering - part 2
I used to ask God "Why?" a lot. Why me? Why not her/him/them? Why now? Why not? I'm sure God got tired of hearing me whine about the unfairness of life. Hey, I get tired of hearing my children whine about it.
My husband and I always struggled with infertility. About 6 months after we were married we started trying to have our first child. It didn't happen right away. In fact it took over 3 years. During that time we saw in the news mothers who did very bad things to their children, even to death. We also saw people in our lives that we thought didn't deserve to have children as much as we did. You know what I mean, we were a great, God-fearing, stable, non-alcoholic, non-smoking, healthy couple who desperately wanted a family, and there were all these people that weren't any of those things who were having children. And the Whys flew from our hearts and mouths heavenward. Well, God answered me. And I've never forgotten.
We had not-so-close family members that had a 9 month old baby when they found out another was on the way. They weren't by our standards a couple that we thought deserved a baby as much as we did. I tell you, we had been trying for 3 years and our lives were ravaged by the desperation of infertility. Month after month I just wished that God would take me out of the misery one way or another. When their baby was born, in my pain and anger toward our circumstance and God, I was unable to celebrate her life. I had an opportunity to meet this precious little girl when she was one month old, I held her for just a few seconds and passed her back to her mother and never looked at her again.
Two weeks later that baby girl died. She contracted viral pneumonia and a short seven hours later she was gone. Her parents never even knew she was sick. We went to her funeral and I watched her parents be nearly crushed by their grief, the weight of which I hope I never know. No matter what I thought of them as parents, they certainly didn't deserve this. I will never forget the image I have of them clinging to each other, physically supporting each other, sobbing as they followed the casket of their six week old daughter out of the funeral home.
Right there, in that place, in that moment God spoke the truth into my heart. "He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous." (Matthew 5:45b) There is no one who deserves God's blessings. His blessings come from His hand, by His love, through His power, for His glory. He does not withhold His blessings based on what we deserve. If that were the case, no one would ever be blessed because we all deserve death. Similarly, God does not send suffering only to those who deserve it. Suffering also comes from His hand, by His love, through His power, for His glory. If suffering only came to those who deserved it, we would all soon become believers, but only out of a desire to end our suffering, not out of true repentance and love for the God who created us to love Him.
It seems to me that there is more and more suffering going on these days. I see it all around me, in my family, in my friends' lives, in our nation and world. And I no longer ask "Why?" Suffering happens. It happens to the righteous and the unrighteous. It is, like blessings, a part of life. Dare I say, life is fair? We all get the rain and the sun. That's fair. We don't all get the same amount, so it's not always equal. But, it is fair.
When my poor whining children (of which I now have 5!) tell me about how unfair life is, I just smile and say, "Life IS fair, it's just not equal!" And I pray that someday they understand.
Suffering - part 1
My husband and I always struggled with infertility. About 6 months after we were married we started trying to have our first child. It didn't happen right away. In fact it took over 3 years. During that time we saw in the news mothers who did very bad things to their children, even to death. We also saw people in our lives that we thought didn't deserve to have children as much as we did. You know what I mean, we were a great, God-fearing, stable, non-alcoholic, non-smoking, healthy couple who desperately wanted a family, and there were all these people that weren't any of those things who were having children. And the Whys flew from our hearts and mouths heavenward. Well, God answered me. And I've never forgotten.
We had not-so-close family members that had a 9 month old baby when they found out another was on the way. They weren't by our standards a couple that we thought deserved a baby as much as we did. I tell you, we had been trying for 3 years and our lives were ravaged by the desperation of infertility. Month after month I just wished that God would take me out of the misery one way or another. When their baby was born, in my pain and anger toward our circumstance and God, I was unable to celebrate her life. I had an opportunity to meet this precious little girl when she was one month old, I held her for just a few seconds and passed her back to her mother and never looked at her again.
Two weeks later that baby girl died. She contracted viral pneumonia and a short seven hours later she was gone. Her parents never even knew she was sick. We went to her funeral and I watched her parents be nearly crushed by their grief, the weight of which I hope I never know. No matter what I thought of them as parents, they certainly didn't deserve this. I will never forget the image I have of them clinging to each other, physically supporting each other, sobbing as they followed the casket of their six week old daughter out of the funeral home.
Right there, in that place, in that moment God spoke the truth into my heart. "He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous." (Matthew 5:45b) There is no one who deserves God's blessings. His blessings come from His hand, by His love, through His power, for His glory. He does not withhold His blessings based on what we deserve. If that were the case, no one would ever be blessed because we all deserve death. Similarly, God does not send suffering only to those who deserve it. Suffering also comes from His hand, by His love, through His power, for His glory. If suffering only came to those who deserved it, we would all soon become believers, but only out of a desire to end our suffering, not out of true repentance and love for the God who created us to love Him.
It seems to me that there is more and more suffering going on these days. I see it all around me, in my family, in my friends' lives, in our nation and world. And I no longer ask "Why?" Suffering happens. It happens to the righteous and the unrighteous. It is, like blessings, a part of life. Dare I say, life is fair? We all get the rain and the sun. That's fair. We don't all get the same amount, so it's not always equal. But, it is fair.
When my poor whining children (of which I now have 5!) tell me about how unfair life is, I just smile and say, "Life IS fair, it's just not equal!" And I pray that someday they understand.
Suffering - part 1
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
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Monday, February 9, 2009
"Not Me!" Monday.
Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.
This was a fantasmic week for me. I was the perfect model of a Proverbs 31 wife and mother! And here's the list of things that did NOT happen at my house this week...
I, in fact, did not in a fit of pique get SO frustrated with myself over my weight and the horrible fit of a really cute (but old) button down dress that I screamed to(at) my husband, "I have absolutely NOTHING TO WEAR!" while I tore the dress off my body sending buttons flying around the room. I was not less than amused and completely embarrassed later in the week when my baby brought me one of the buttons he found somewhere on the floor. It was just like a scene in a really bad movie and I am SO GLAD that was not me!!!
I do not spend so much time on my computer during the day that my 3 year old asks me to see pictures of "Mck Nugget" and "Small Fry" and "those other guys". He also did not ask me to call him "Small Fry" this week, and to call his baby brother "Mck Nugget". When he looked questioningly at me and asked what we should call me, I did NOT say, "Mck Mama!" We did not list the other family members and assign them Mck names. That so did NOT happen at this house! That would make me a freakish bloggy stalker, which is so not me! (Note: truly, I was just playing along with my son who is facinated by the bright clothes on the cute children of my favorite blog and is curious about their names.)
I did not accomplish absolutely nothing this week, including practicing the piano. I would never spend the money to take lessons and then not practice even once in the last week. That would be wasteful and poor stewardship of both my money and my talent. I do not have huge hang-ups over my musical talent that I need to work through because over 20 years ago I allowed a 'friend' to completely undermine my self-confidence in my God-given talent and love for music. My biggest fear is not that I may find out that I do actually suck. Nope, not me!
My husband was not so distraught over my earlier button-flinging, dress-ripping, fat-loathing fit of pique that he spent most of our day alone on Saturday taking me shopping to remedy my wardrobe woes. I did not spend most of that time crying because it is truly so depressing for me to shop that I couldn't shut off the tears. I did not stand in my holey sweatshirt and 3 inch too short jeans and cry in front of the Nordstrom saleslady. I do not secretly dream that my friends will have the mercy to nominate me for the TLC show "What Not To Wear!" just so I could finally find someone to hold my hand while shopping and help me find clothes that actually fit! I do not hold myself to such a high moral standard that even thinking about fashion causes me guilt because it's so materialistic and worldly. And it totally did NOT feel wonderful to wear new clothes today and be COMPLIMENTED on how stylish I looked. That must've been a dream because that's so NOT ME!
I can't wait to read what didn't happen at your house this week. Please, feel free to leave a coment!
Thursday, February 5, 2009
What He Means.
It took me awhile when Kevin asked me to watch "Cake Guy" to figure out what he meant. He says, "You know, where the cake guys fall down?" So, I popped over to Cake Wrecks to see if it was a cake he'd seen. It was then that it dawned on me (slowly) what he was asking for....
I give you "Cake Guy!"
I give you "Cake Guy!"
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Home Alone.
******** UPDATE ********
The man was trying to serve us papers. He saw Letha and thought she was an adult(puh-leez) which is why he was being SO persistent. The company serving us papers called Todd today at work and he figured it out. The man perfectly matched the description Letha gave.
I'm very relieved. Sure, I think he's an idiot to think my little girl looks like an adult, but at least I know he wasn't a SICK-O, and had a valid reason for persisting. I do hope that the company tells him that he frightened a little girl and that he needs to be more careful in the future.
I can't wait to explain it to Letha when she gets home from school. I know she'll be relieved too.
************************
We had church tonight. As we were leaving Letha was throwing a big fit and threatening her brother, so I made her stay home.
About 7:45 she called me, crying. A man had come to the door and rang the bell. Letha looked out the living room window (above and to the right of the front door) and the man made eye contact with her. He then continued to ring the bell and knock on the door for long enough to completely unnerve her.
When she called all I could get from her was that there was a man at the door that would not go away. So, I had her hang up and dial 911. In the meantime I called Todd (who was elsewhere in the church) and sent him home. Then I called her back and stayed on the phone with her until the police arrived. By the time I called her back, the man had gone.
She did great. She gave a good description of the man to the police and they scanned the neighborhood looking for him. When Todd got home they talked to him and told him there had been several complaints in the area of solicitations after dark. (I guess that's a no-no, ???)
What bothers me most about this is that the man continued to ring the bell and knock on the door after he saw her. What kind of sales person would be so rude/persistent? Obviously a young girl is NOT going to open the door for a strange man. Which leads me to believe that he couldn't have been legit and that his motives were sinister, which just makes me really ANGRY! (and scared) Who knows.
She's safe. We have no answers about who or why (but I will be talking to my neighbors). I'm proud of her for handling it and calling when she got uncomfortable. And the police know to be on the lookout, in case. And I've hugged and held her tight. I suspect she may have a tough night tonight. We'll see.
The man was trying to serve us papers. He saw Letha and thought she was an adult(puh-leez) which is why he was being SO persistent. The company serving us papers called Todd today at work and he figured it out. The man perfectly matched the description Letha gave.
I'm very relieved. Sure, I think he's an idiot to think my little girl looks like an adult, but at least I know he wasn't a SICK-O, and had a valid reason for persisting. I do hope that the company tells him that he frightened a little girl and that he needs to be more careful in the future.
I can't wait to explain it to Letha when she gets home from school. I know she'll be relieved too.
************************
We had church tonight. As we were leaving Letha was throwing a big fit and threatening her brother, so I made her stay home.
About 7:45 she called me, crying. A man had come to the door and rang the bell. Letha looked out the living room window (above and to the right of the front door) and the man made eye contact with her. He then continued to ring the bell and knock on the door for long enough to completely unnerve her.
When she called all I could get from her was that there was a man at the door that would not go away. So, I had her hang up and dial 911. In the meantime I called Todd (who was elsewhere in the church) and sent him home. Then I called her back and stayed on the phone with her until the police arrived. By the time I called her back, the man had gone.
She did great. She gave a good description of the man to the police and they scanned the neighborhood looking for him. When Todd got home they talked to him and told him there had been several complaints in the area of solicitations after dark. (I guess that's a no-no, ???)
What bothers me most about this is that the man continued to ring the bell and knock on the door after he saw her. What kind of sales person would be so rude/persistent? Obviously a young girl is NOT going to open the door for a strange man. Which leads me to believe that he couldn't have been legit and that his motives were sinister, which just makes me really ANGRY! (and scared) Who knows.
She's safe. We have no answers about who or why (but I will be talking to my neighbors). I'm proud of her for handling it and calling when she got uncomfortable. And the police know to be on the lookout, in case. And I've hugged and held her tight. I suspect she may have a tough night tonight. We'll see.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
The Cutest Little Kiss.
I love babies. I would keep having them if a) I weren't getting old b) we had more room in our car and house and c) we were independently wealthy and could afford to raise them without money issues. At this very moment, if it were an option, I would be trying for #6 as I feel like my babies are slipping away. Instead, I am trying to treasure up the moments I have left of these 2 little boys before they become children, then preteens, then teenagers and all too soon, adults! To that end I post this little story...
Izaak hasn't ever quite figured out the timing of the smack of a kiss. Sometimes it's early, sometimes late, but most often it's non-existent. The other day I asked him for a kiss and he put his lips to my cheek and instead of smacking he whispered something. I repeated my request several times, each time getting the same response, which helped me figure it out. Everytime I asked for a kiss and he put his lips to my cheek, he was whispering, "Kissy"! My heart just melted with the sweetness of it!
I don't know how long it will last before he starts kissing with smacks, but I intended to treasure every single one of those whispered kissies!
******************Update****************
Just had to add these pictures from today when Izaak fell asleep right before lunch. Poor baby, he was SO tired.
Izaak hasn't ever quite figured out the timing of the smack of a kiss. Sometimes it's early, sometimes late, but most often it's non-existent. The other day I asked him for a kiss and he put his lips to my cheek and instead of smacking he whispered something. I repeated my request several times, each time getting the same response, which helped me figure it out. Everytime I asked for a kiss and he put his lips to my cheek, he was whispering, "Kissy"! My heart just melted with the sweetness of it!
I don't know how long it will last before he starts kissing with smacks, but I intended to treasure every single one of those whispered kissies!
******************Update****************
Just had to add these pictures from today when Izaak fell asleep right before lunch. Poor baby, he was SO tired.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
"Not Me!" Monday.
Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.
I am totally a night person and with the exception of LOVING to snuggle with my children in the mornings, I could do without mornings altogether. This week there was not a day when my 3 year old woke that I went and released him from his locked bedroom and brought him to my room to "snuggle" so that I could get a few more winks before officially starting the day. On this particular morning the baby was not awake, playing nicely in his crib, and I did not decide to continue sleeping for as long as he was playing quietly and not crying. I could have been dreaming, but I'm pretty sure that was not me!
The baby did not start crying about a half and hour later, and I did not delay in going to get him for long enough that he climbed up and flopped himself out of the crib. He did not go into the hall and stand crying at my bedroom door. My 3 year old was not the one that opened my door to let him in while I continued to lounge in bed. You know that would have been completely lazy and irresponsible. Totally, not me!
After snuggling with the baby, calming him down and checking him over for bruises, I did not take him back into his room, put him in his crib and ask him to show me how he climbed out. He didn't stand up on the crib toy he had pulled off the rails and get just enough extra height to be able to push his body over the top of the rail only to stop and begin crying because he was terrified of falling out of the crib again. I did not further traumatize him by laying on the floor under him and try coaxing him to go ahead and take the fall. He was not so cute trying to please me that he made a few more attempts, each resulting in him deciding not to do it a crying because he wanted to please me but was scared. Who would do that to a BABY? Not me!!!
I have not slept for weeks on sheets that have holes in them just because they are the only flannel sheets we have and I refuse to put the 'cold' sheets on the bed. The quilt on my bed is also not looking shredded. When I went to Wally-world to finally replace them they were all out of flannel sheets, but had, on clearance, some nice, thick fleece sheets. I didn't buy them or a new quilt. When my husband got in bed that night he didn't make the comment that it felt like slipping into a marshmallow. I did NOT immediately strip down and climb in bed to check it out myself, and I did not completely agree with him! We are not now obsessed with our "marshmallow bed"! I did not ask him in church this morning if he'd like to be napping in "marshmallow bed" and he did not say "YES!" We did not manipulate our afternoon just to make sure we could get there. We're SO NOT obsessed! Not US!
I am not typing this post from the "Marshmallow bed"!
Now it will not be harder to get myself out of bed in the mornings when the little boys wake up! Not for me!
PS. I did NOT do the hand jive in choir this morning in front of everyone while the orchestra played a groovy tune. Wouldn't that be immature!?! So glad that was not me!!!
I am totally a night person and with the exception of LOVING to snuggle with my children in the mornings, I could do without mornings altogether. This week there was not a day when my 3 year old woke that I went and released him from his locked bedroom and brought him to my room to "snuggle" so that I could get a few more winks before officially starting the day. On this particular morning the baby was not awake, playing nicely in his crib, and I did not decide to continue sleeping for as long as he was playing quietly and not crying. I could have been dreaming, but I'm pretty sure that was not me!
The baby did not start crying about a half and hour later, and I did not delay in going to get him for long enough that he climbed up and flopped himself out of the crib. He did not go into the hall and stand crying at my bedroom door. My 3 year old was not the one that opened my door to let him in while I continued to lounge in bed. You know that would have been completely lazy and irresponsible. Totally, not me!
After snuggling with the baby, calming him down and checking him over for bruises, I did not take him back into his room, put him in his crib and ask him to show me how he climbed out. He didn't stand up on the crib toy he had pulled off the rails and get just enough extra height to be able to push his body over the top of the rail only to stop and begin crying because he was terrified of falling out of the crib again. I did not further traumatize him by laying on the floor under him and try coaxing him to go ahead and take the fall. He was not so cute trying to please me that he made a few more attempts, each resulting in him deciding not to do it a crying because he wanted to please me but was scared. Who would do that to a BABY? Not me!!!
I have not slept for weeks on sheets that have holes in them just because they are the only flannel sheets we have and I refuse to put the 'cold' sheets on the bed. The quilt on my bed is also not looking shredded. When I went to Wally-world to finally replace them they were all out of flannel sheets, but had, on clearance, some nice, thick fleece sheets. I didn't buy them or a new quilt. When my husband got in bed that night he didn't make the comment that it felt like slipping into a marshmallow. I did NOT immediately strip down and climb in bed to check it out myself, and I did not completely agree with him! We are not now obsessed with our "marshmallow bed"! I did not ask him in church this morning if he'd like to be napping in "marshmallow bed" and he did not say "YES!" We did not manipulate our afternoon just to make sure we could get there. We're SO NOT obsessed! Not US!
I am not typing this post from the "Marshmallow bed"!
Now it will not be harder to get myself out of bed in the mornings when the little boys wake up! Not for me!
PS. I did NOT do the hand jive in choir this morning in front of everyone while the orchestra played a groovy tune. Wouldn't that be immature!?! So glad that was not me!!!
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